Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
