only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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