2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
