my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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