he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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