a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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