He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
