Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
