White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
