Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
