the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
