some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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