i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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