Me too!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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