there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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