Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
