It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
