insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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