You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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