don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
