So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
