Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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