So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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