Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
