THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
