ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
