So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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