dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
