I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
