i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
