She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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