happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
