once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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