I wanna passion pit in your ass
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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