I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
