i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
