my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
