you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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