I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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