You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
