Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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