he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
