U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
