he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
