first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
