Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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