We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
