She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
