So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We're too hungover to prance.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
