I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
