I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
