I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
