Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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