I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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