on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Even my vagina gasped.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
