No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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