I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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