In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
