he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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