what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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