Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
