Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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