Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
