break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
