he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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