That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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