Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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