Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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