he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
