just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm passing your future prison.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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