This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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