so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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