ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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