is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
