Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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