Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
