Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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