My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
