Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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