So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
