We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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