woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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