tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
