Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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