dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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