I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
