real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
