i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
